So I did it. I prayed, gave myself a pep talk, and prepared myself mentally as much as possible. My heart was beating so fast and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew in my HEAD how illogical it was to place such weight (ha) on a number, but I couldn't escape the old ED part of my brain that had been stuck in crazy mode for over a decade. For anyone who has never experienced this scale adrenaline rush, it's kind of like being infatuated with someone... it makes you think and act a lil bit cray cray, no matter what the absolute truth is.
I took a deep breath and I stepped on the scale... and I was SHOCKED. I had only gained 4 pounds in 3 months. I was right on track with where I wanted to be for a slow lean gaining phase. I'm the kind of person who always "hopes for the best but expects the worst" so that I don't set myself up for massive disappointment. But I was pretty freakin stoked, and almost wished the scale was a little higher. And THAT is a true feat for someone who used to obsessively starve herself any time the scale deviated from the 100-104 range.
All that to say -- having appropriate macros for your goal (bulking/cutting/recomp/etc), tracking accurately, and training hard freaking WORKS... without a scale. If scale weight is messing with your head, I recommend ditching it for a while. Take a mental break and see how it totally changes your life! Much love!
PS: Stay tuned for a new cover song about why chicks should lift... T-SWIFT this time :P